Why I Chose a Normal Life, Not Islam
10 Nov. 2004
Well, I think that I’m ready to write my testimony.
I grew up in Russia in Dagestan which is nearby Chechnya. However my parents were Russian by nationality. Living next to Muslims made my ancestors convert to Islam a long time ago.
But when I was a small girl there was no Russian Federation. I was born in the USSR. It was an awful country to say the least but there was something I liked about it. Communists were so afraid to lose their power that they were fighting against all religions. Yes, maybe it wasn’t absolutely right because people still needed something in their souls. But anyway due to communists I grew in a moderate Muslim family.
Of course, people around us were practicing their religion but they couldn’t do it openly and so, for example, we were not forced to wear hijab. My mum even worked as a driver (!).
But then the USSR went to pieces. And then my sufferings began. I won’t tell you about the war. It was not very important to me as I was only ten years old. But there was something that affected my life.
Firstly, I was expelled from my school. “Being a good mother doesn’t require education”, Imam said.
Secondly, I was forced to wear hijab all the time. Even that I had some problems with breathing, it didn’t matter. I was told to pray to Allah to save my life.
Thirdly, I couldn’t use buses, trains and so on. I could only go out with my father.
And finally, my mother wasn’t allowed to work. And we plunged into poverty.
Try to understand me, it wasn’t the secular law. We could bring legal proceeding against these criminals. But we could also be killed by our own neighbors for not obeying. And I WANTED TO LIVE, no matter how awful my life was.
At home we always discussed Islam. We read Koran and then compared it with reality. We were stunned. But not by reality. We were stunned because this awful life was required by Koran and Mohammed. It wasn’t terrorism. It was real Islam.
We made up our minds to escape as soon as possible. We saved all our money for a one-way ticket. And while doing it, I went to mosque; was beaten by Muslim boys because my name wasn’t Arab. I was beaten by Imams because I asked too many questions. I was beaten all the time.
After a few years, an awful event happened. My grandfather converted to Christianity openly and was killed near church. I didn’t know why he converted so openly; after all he understood that he would certainly be killed. But when he was at home writhing in pain, he confessed that he had cancer and knew that his death was somewhere nearby. He said he didn’t want to die a Muslim. It would be too shameful for him. I hope now he’s in Heaven or if Heaven doesn’t exist then I hope he’s now safe and happy.
After the death of grandfather we sold everything and ran away to Norway (I was studying Norwegian since childhood). Here we all converted to Christianity. I graduated from University of Oslo. I’m now having some practice. I will be a human rights lawyer. My boyfriend is a feminist activist and a playwright. My mum has her own business and my dad is a top manager.
Why I converted to Christianity? Well, I do believe in God however I’m not a practicing Christian. We became Christians because we were afraid to be caught by Muslims. You can’t even imagine how Muslims are aware of other Muslims arriving in Norway. We wanted to have nothing to do with these fu**ing bast**ds. (Sorry)
Why did I write it here? Because my life shows why I left Islam. And when some fools say that Islam is a peaceful religion I’m disgusted and want to cry. I hope that more and more people will understand the truth about Islam.
And to those poor people who are still Muslims but want to become normal humans and lead a normal life and to those who are married to Muslims I want to say that I’ve survived because I wanted to live. I knew that life is one; if you die you will never have another one. I wanted to commit suicide. But then I thought to myself, “Why?” Because of Muslims? But life for them is nothing. It’s just a buffer. They don’t appreciate it.
If you want to live, you have to believe in something. I believed in God. But I didn’t believe in Allah or Jesus Christ. I believed in divine justice if you want. You can believe in nature, in life, in your mind and brains. And you will pull through.
Why I chose a normal life?
It's simple. All people want to lead a normal life. But I know what abnormal life looks like. And for me choosing normal life was a well-considered decision. I chose normal life when I left Islam.
And in the end I wanted to thank Ali Sina and other wonderful people who work on this site. Your work will never be forgotten.
This letter was written to Ali Sina, founder of Faith Freedom