My Testimony of Leaving Islam
13 Jan, 2006
When I was a child, I used to go to the mosque every day. I used to go there for praying, reciting the Qur'an, reading ahadith, and studying tafseer.
Our teacher and other Islamic scholars told us that as Muslims, we are the best people in the world. We were also told that Saudi Arabian Muslims are the only true Muslims in the world, and as such, the world must follow us (the Saudi Muslims). Without any question, we steadfastly believed our Islamic scholars and wondered why despite such exhortations the world, by and large, does not emulate us.
We were so proud of being the true Muslims.
But now, I take this to be a lie.
Readers, I would vouch that what I studied in my mosque is exactly what Bin Laden do. You could unmistakably say he is an ideal Muslim. Believe me, almost all our people (in Saudi Arabia) support him and love him very dearly.
We can't blame Bin Laden for this; instead, we should blame Islam, the religion of bin Laden, It is because he is simply following his religion to the letter. He is, without doubt, a true Muslim.
My story of leaving Islam started when I was in grad five, I read in sura al-kahf, ayat 86 (18:86), that when Zu-Alqarnain had reached the point of setting of the sun, he found many people there suffering from the intense heat This was because they were so close to the sun. Same thing happened to him during the rising of the sun.
I started thinking: the earth is not flat; it is almost like a ball, so how could he reach the edge of the earth? I asked my teacher this question. He was confused with my question. He didn't give any answer. He told me just to believe what the Qur'an says.
This was the beginning of my suspicion about the truth in the Qur'an.
Then I had a huge surprise when I found that if I wanted to be a good Muslim I must keep away from non-Muslims. A greater surprise for me was when I discovered that loving any non-Muslims would make me a kafir (non-believer).
Along with many other activities, I like going to movies, listening to music and making friends with athletes, singers-most of whom are non-Muslims. This means, I actually had become a kafir. I was taught that, to be in Paradise, I must unconditionally love Prophet Muhammad, whom I had never seen, more than anyone else, or I will surely go to Hell. I became so perplexed.
I listened to my Imams and was disturbed when they used abusive language to describe the non-Muslims as the grandsons of monkeys and pigs. I thought if anyone commits a sin, this should not be our problem; Allah, in due course, will punish him/her. Why do our Imams have to condemn these people in such a derogatory manner?
To my surprise, many of my Muslim friends and our Imams told me that it was my duty to revile and ridicule the non-Muslims, since they are the enemies of Muslims. When I refused to abide by the Islamic tenet of deriding the kafirs, they labelled me as a weak Muslim. They even informed me that a Muslim stranger is better than an old trusted kafir friend.
But I was adamant with my questions-I would not let them go unanswered. The most pertinent question on my mind was: how could a 'God' who claims Himself to be filled with mercy, but at the same time, asks his people to hate one another? Why God' has to threaten that He would burn and torture people who do not believe in Him? Is He really that needy? Is it so important that we consistently worship Him?
I started thinking, very deeply. I searched the Qur'an and found that everyone's destiny had already been decided by God. God had already determined about who will be in Hell and who will be in Paradise! So, logically, there is no need for humans to pray. When I put this question to my devoutly religious friends, they became angry. They asked me how I could know in advance whether I should be Hell or in Paradise. I told them that since our destiny has already been ascertained by God, praying or not praying would not really make any difference.
They thought I was crazy since I have developed doubt about Allah and the Qur'an.
This was my start of hating Islam. But I was helpless. In the society in which I live I was not able to do anything openly which goes against Islam.
In 1999, my mother fell sick and eventually she died. This was a turning point in my life. I thought: we, the Muslims, are not really the best in the world. Just like any other human being, we too get ill and die, after all. I also came to the conclusion that if we worked hard we should be successful, if we did not, we are bound to fail. There is no such thing as 'Allah's will'. There is nothing so special for the Muslims.
When I look around the Islamic world, all I find are utter injustice, unabated discrimination against women and kafirs and blatant abuse and violation of human rights, and not to talk of the absolute political corruption in all Islamic countries. In fact, there is nothing good in our Islamic world to talk about. Most of the Islamic world is in deep trouble, whereas there is relative, peace, prosperity and freedom in most non-Islamic countries.
I asked myself, "What is the reason for this?" The only plausible answer to me was Islam. I am now quite certain that Islam is a stupid and wrong religion.
Although my hatred of Islam increased, I was unable to leave it. I could not still bring myself to the reality that Islam could be that bad. I thought it might be that the problem was with the people and not the religion.
But on September 11, 2001, I saw the real face of Islam. I saw the happiness on the faces of our people because so many infidels were slaughtered so easily. I was shocked at the gloating of our people for killing innocent kafirs. I saw many people started thanking Allah for this massacre. Our Islamic people said that Allah gave us our wish, and that this was the beginning of the destruction of kafir countries.
To me, this was sheer inhumanity.
Then, the Imam implored Allah to help the Taliban against the US army. I was angry. I stopped praying.
In 2004, I met my Pakistani manager, who, I believe was anti-Islam. He made me feel human being again. He let me believe that I was, after all, not a crazy person. I stopped visiting the mosque, quit praying and abandoned Ramadan fasting. Last Ramadan I did not observe a single fast.
Now I feel so happy and relieved. Without any guilt or fear, I now can watch movies and listen to music. I feel I am a human being and I am free to do whatever I like.
I shall, from now on, tell as much as I can, the truth about this evil religion of Islam.
Thanks to this website, I no longer feel lonely. I know now that I am not wrong.
Thanks & regards;
Khaled Waleed is a Saudi ex-Muslim.